Exalting Women


After dropping my husband at his office on Tuesday, I went to a local coffee shop/bakery to read, enjoy a bagel and sip coffee.

The coffee was good, the book (“Sleeping with the Enemy: Coco Chanel’s Secret War”) was riveting, the atmosphere, pleasant. Until The Couple arrived.

It was early and I was the first occupant in that particular dining room, and so of course, I looked up when they came in. The first thing that I noticed was that she was a rare specimen: most women my age (including me) no longer have the svelte profiles of our youth, but she did. Not anorexic, but just right, and I admired that. They were both dressed in jeans and t-shirts.

They didn’t have the body language of a married couple, so I assumed he was her boy friend, about the same age, and seemed pleasant enough.

About 2 minutes after they sat down with their food, she started raising her voice, swearing and berating him. She accused him of saying something insensitive, and maybe he had. I wasn’t listening to them until she started drawing attention.

This went on for a few minutes with him mildly trying to defend himself, but she wasn’t having any of it. After a bit, he asked if they could talk about something else. She stood up and left the room but was back in a couple of minutes, at which time she started in again.

Once more, he asked if they could talk about something else.

No change.

And so on, until they left.

Here’s why I don’t think they were married: most husbands that I know, would’ve left and gone to the car if they were treated that way in public.

Never in my life have I heard a man swearing and denigrating a woman publicly like that. I can just imagine that if the roles had been reversed, someone would’ve stepped in and said or done something to defend her.

That incident was on Tuesday.

The day before, Joe and I were eating lunch at a Thai restaurant and were seated next to a table where a woman was sitting alone, obviously waiting for someone before ordering. Very nicely dressed (we were in a very affluent area) and conspicuously irritated.

Shortly, a man arrived in…golf shorts? Very tanned. Very affluent looking. Very quiet. Maybe late.

She was much more in control of herself than the coffee shop woman but plainly peeved. Both she and the man kept their voices low, but let me tell you, it was embarrassing to be in that close a proximity to someone so unhappy.

My husband is a fairly unobservant person (unless science, mathematics or music is involved) but even he noticed what was going on. She was in a bad mood and her fellow was the pincushion, although she did eventually calm down and even tried to be pleasant later.

He had the demeanor of someone who’s been through this before, and also of one who isn’t going to keep going through it.

Divorce was written all over that atmosphere. I really hope I’m wrong.
~Oh, Lord, please wake them up and heal that situation, especially if there are children involved. ~

Maybe both men were cretins.

Both women behaved badly. Why did they seem to think they were entitled to act any way they pleased? If the men had done something wrong (and they very well might have done), why compound the situation? Most men will not tolerate public abuse forever.

Trouble between men and women is nothing new, but the approach to it in this modern world is.

If you watch television or movies, listen to NPR or read magazines, chances are strong that you’ve learned the lesson well:

Men are idiots. Women are smart.

Men are helpless. Women are invincible.

When we went to see The Avengers, I fully expected Scarlett Johansen to Save the World instead of the superheroes. (SPOILER: she doesn’t.)

That’s what I’ve come to expect in everything from CNN to commercials.

Facebook postings and Pinterest pins are rife with it.

“The slightly neurotic hot mess is merely the admission price to the amusement park that is me” has been repinned 81 times.

“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” Marilyn Monroe.

173 repins.

A lot of women seem to be proud of acting petulant, selfish and abusive.

During the sermon Sunday morning, the pastor related a question his brother had asked him: “When did women become so exalted that …” and I won’t finish the quote with his words because they’re a little different from the direction I’m heading, but they still fit in with this train of thought because they dealt with bad behavior.

When did women become so exalted that:

They can’t be criticized? About anything.

That if they actually do something that’s really bad and can’t be denied – it’s a man’s fault?

They pretend to be equally suited for something that’s traditionally male – but don’t care that the standards are lowered so they can meet them?

Growing up in the 1950s and 60s, I heard

“Just keep answering like that and we’ll get along.”

plenty of jokes putting down women. Especially women drivers. Some were funny. Lots of them weren’t. If it was so wrong (and I think it was) for women to often be fair game as the butt of jokes, why don’t modern women take the moral high ground and not do as they’ve been done to?

And it’s not merely words. It’s actions, too that have changed.

In my youth, domestic violence only touched my world a few times (a neighbor, a friend’s mother and a friend’s dad), but my understanding is that until just a few years ago, it was considered a private issue and generally not something to call the cops for.

Now it’s a crime to abuse a woman (and absolutely rightly so), but for some kind of Twilight Zone reason, it’s okay for her to abuse the man.

I know of several situations in which the woman is physically abusive to the man. The men won’t call the cops, but oh! how I wish they would! The men say they won’t be believed. That the deck is stacked against them. That they’d be the ones who’d leave in handcuffs- even though they didn’t fight back.

An added insult to the injury is when the female lies and turns the tables and falsely accuses her male victim. Once I was a witness to an incident and the girl lied and lied and lied about it and eventually lied in court.

Some of the men are so whipped or brainwashed or I just don’t know what, that they seem to lose touch with reality.

One woman I know, literally said that “women are entitled to hysteria”. She gets so violent that her husband has to temporarily move out of the house. Her idiot husband said to me once, that “it’s never okay for a man to put his hands on a woman”. He didn’t say “domestic violence is always wrong” or “it’s never right for someone to hit someone else”.

Guess how that woman’s daughter behaves? You got it. She became an abuser and brags that she always knows what she’s doing and is in control of herself, even when it appears that she isn’t. She said that she chooses her behavior.

Why not?

Our current debased society says that she’s a princess. That she can have it all: bad behavior and unjustified sympathy to boot.

She doesn’t have to compete on a level playing field.

Her actions won’t be judged by the same standards as the men she habitually abuses.

What hath feminism wrought? Not simple equality. No, rather it’s about an imbalance of power.

Injustice, entitlement and unreality.

Of course this mess doesn’t apply to every female.

But from all indications, it’s becoming increasingly and disgustingly common.

As a woman, I’m embarrassed that so many women are just fine with this ugly mess and see no need to change.

*5-25-12: Excellent comment on the male perspective left by Joe. I recommend it.

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5 Comments

Filed under Current Events, Vicissitudes of Life

5 responses to “Exalting Women

  1. Joe

    I remember the days, right after I graduated from high school, served in the Navy and was in college (1970’s) that I was an ardent feminist, though being a male myself. What it took me some years to figure out was that all those feminist organizations had agendas that did not include me as an equal. Rather, the goal (it became clear) was to make the woman superior, to dominate the male, and to bring about a fundamental “Feminization” of our culture. That is, to change the culture so that it is no longer acceptable to act like a little boy or a really masculine man. Boys could no longer play soldier, cops & robbers, or Cowboys and Indians. These are all too “Violent” for our modern, feminine society. In other words, it is no longer OK to be a male, unless you are homosexual which is not only OK but to be celebrated. This all fits together nicely with a culture that says it is OK to kill babies, because babies are a product of male/female interaction which is passe’: You know the famous saying, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”
    The new feminine mystique places the female in a God-like position where she has the right to choose life or death for her baby. Now, with in-vitro fertilization, females can have babies without even seeing a male. All very connected and acceptable to the New Matriarchal standard for America. May God help us out of this miasma!

  2. Whangdoodle

    Don’t lose faith in our generation yet! I was born in the 90’s and I agree to everything you said. I guess the difficulty is to find the right balance, which seems rather hard to accomplish since we’ve already gone this far in terms of feminism. Maybe some day there will be a male feminist movement (“masculinist” movement?)? I doubt it. It’s hard to imagine that men would stand up for their rights…I guess it takes time for people to realise that doing things that are traditionally part of their gender role is NOT a degrading experience and does not imply inequality.

    • Very thoughtful and well-spoken reply.

      I haven’t given up on this generation, yet. Young women didn’t get to this point on their own. They were taught it by their elders.

      The coffee shop woman acting badly was my age.

      The woman who believes in female entitlement is older than me.

      There was a marked difference in how women comported themselves from the early 1960s to the 1970s. And the behavior and arrogance has become worse and worse.

      Men don’t get a free pass because a good deal of what’s gone wrong in our society falls at their feet, but there again, much of that is a result of the feminist movement.

      My lament is not that women have more property rights, etc.; it is that they became the oppressors after some wrongs were corrected. Kind of like the French who slew the aristocracy when they had their revolution.

      I do believe that men now receive less justice in the courts than women did before the “liberation”.

  3. What a thought-provoking post, Carla. You gave a point of view I never really thought about. Women have come so far since the ERA, but with that also comes responsibility. Just because the playing field is more level does not give women carte blanche to be cruel, rude or have an inflated sense of entitlement that so many young’uns, men and women alike, have. Being classy will ALWAYS be in style. xx

    • Thanks.

      I see it all the time and am mystified why there’s so little mention of it. Men’s flaws are fair game, the butt of jokes, vilification and condemnation everywhere. It’s little wonder that adolescent men are struggling with who they are and what their role in life is.

      Rarely do I see the problems that women have caused being addressed. One of my favorite websites is by a woman done wrong by her husband (she truly was). However, she has used this rotten experience to elevate nearly all women and debase nearly all men. Women automatically are justified, men automatically condemned. It’s sad because she’s a great writer – but the bitterness is so overwhelming that I just can’t read it any longer.

      It’s true: there are really rotten men out there.

      However, my anecdotal evidence is that women have become worse and are untouchable. In the courts of the land and the courts of public opinion.

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