You know you’re in Texas when…
Category Archives: Humor
There’s a new kitten in the house and Simon Tolbert’s cat has the typical response.
You can view it on his website by clicking on the image above or go here to watch it on youtube.
and the results on our culture.
Steven gets (a little) colorful (sometimes) but he hits the target (most of the time).
For more information on him and to watch more of his videos, click here.
The Things You Don’t Say To Your Wife
Lately I’ve been having trouble with wordpress allowing me to insert photographs, and it’s a little boring to do very many posts without them, so for now, I’m just going to insert some fun and/or interesting youtube videos that I’ve found.
This first one was posted by a friend on Facebook. Thanks Johnny.
And here’s the latest Simon’s Cat.
Yesterday Joe saw a Rolls Royce pulling into the gas station at Wal-Mart. He said the car was one of the vintage ones with the fancy grill on the front.
That’s Texas for you.
Eccentric millionaire? Chauffeur? Thrifty person who can afford a hand-built automobile after a lifetime of conserving money?
Obviously, not a snob.
Boy, would I like to know the rest of that story!
My Special K story is from England. In the late 1990s, my husband and I were there for several months due to his job assignment. I’m not a huge fan of cooked breakfasts, and they certainly didn’t have grits or biscuits and gravy so while we were at the Sir Christopher Wren House Hotel in Windsor, I always ate at the cereal buffet.
There was one particular cereal there that I just loved. One day I asked the waiter what it was. He must have thought I was crazy. He said “Special K”.
Here was an American, in England, asking a Balkan waiter to identify an American cereal for her.
Which reminds me of another cereal story. When I was a child, we usually had a cooked breakfast, but also had cold cereal on hand. Now I can’t remember which kind it was (probably Wheaties or Cheerios), but they always had really neat toys and things to cut out on the back panel. Well, my brother and sister and I didn’t like that cereal but we always wanted the “free” stuff. We’d talk my mother into buying it, dig the toy out, then we wouldn’t eat it. She probably ended up eating it herself or putting it in meatloaf or something, but it was a real sore spot with her and understandably so.
By the time I was about 10, I wouldn’t eat hardly anything. It drove my mother to distraction trying to figure out something that I would eat besides potatoes, Campbell’s Vegetable Soup and sunflower seeds. Oh, occasionally I’d eat one of her hamburgers (but never at a hamburger stand), or canned chow mein or a peanut butter sandwich or a grilled cheese (my mother called them “toasted cheese”). And vegetables – I’d eat most of them. And I was pretty skinny. Even my 8th grade teacher, Mr. Lewis, called me “Crane”.
Anyway, by then, Mama would buy about anything she thought I’d eat. So I had CocoPuffs and Sugar Frosted Flakes and Lucky Charms (are you getting the sugar drift here?) and Toast ‘Em Pop Ups, etc. Sadly for her, by the time I was in high school, I’d stop at my dad’s store every morning and get a bottle of 7-Up; a half bottle was my breakfast. I don’t think I ever told her that I’d go to a doughnut store for lunch. This could explain all those silver fillings in my mouth.
Skip ahead a few years to when our sons were small. I made my own granola and if I bought any cereal it was not sugary; it had to be healthy and cheap – which severely limits the field. Once when my parents were visiting, we went to the grocery store. Our older son asked me to get… I don’t know… Count Chocula or something… and I said that I wasn’t going to buy that sugary cereal.
My mother almost fell on the floor in shock. She said “Well, I always bought it for you!”
And it’s true – she did buy it for me.
And now for something completely different…
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.
(Back in the 1990s, someone had sent this to me by email; the author is unknown. I forwarded it to my sister and she printed it off. I’d forgotten all about it until she found it last weekend and read it to me. It’s still funny, it’s still true and it applies to cats also, only more so.)