After dropping my husband at his office on Tuesday, I went to a local coffee shop/bakery to read, enjoy a bagel and sip coffee.
The coffee was good, the book (“Sleeping with the Enemy: Coco Chanel’s Secret War”) was riveting, the atmosphere, pleasant. Until The Couple arrived.
It was early and I was the first occupant in that particular dining room, and so of course, I looked up when they came in. The first thing that I noticed was that she was a rare specimen: most women my age (including me) no longer have the svelte profiles of our youth, but she did. Not anorexic, but just right, and I admired that. They were both dressed in jeans and t-shirts.
They didn’t have the body language of a married couple, so I assumed he was her boy friend, about the same age, and seemed pleasant enough.
About 2 minutes after they sat down with their food, she started raising her voice, swearing and berating him. She accused him of saying something insensitive, and maybe he had. I wasn’t listening to them until she started drawing attention.
This went on for a few minutes with him mildly trying to defend himself, but she wasn’t having any of it. After a bit, he asked if they could talk about something else. She stood up and left the room but was back in a couple of minutes, at which time she started in again.
Once more, he asked if they could talk about something else.
And so on, until they left.
Here’s why I don’t think they were married: most husbands that I know, would’ve left and gone to the car if they were treated that way in public.
Never in my life have I heard a man swearing and denigrating a woman publicly like that. I can just imagine that if the roles had been reversed, someone would’ve stepped in and said or done something to defend her.
That incident was on Tuesday.
The day before, Joe and I were eating lunch at a Thai restaurant and were seated next to a table where a woman was sitting alone, obviously waiting for someone before ordering. Very nicely dressed (we were in a very affluent area) and conspicuously irritated.
Shortly, a man arrived in…golf shorts? Very tanned. Very affluent looking. Very quiet. Maybe late.
She was much more in control of herself than the coffee shop woman but plainly peeved. Both she and the man kept their voices low, but let me tell you, it was embarrassing to be in that close a proximity to someone so unhappy.
My husband is a fairly unobservant person (unless science, mathematics or music is involved) but even he noticed what was going on. She was in a bad mood and her fellow was the pincushion, although she did eventually calm down and even tried to be pleasant later.
He had the demeanor of someone who’s been through this before, and also of one who isn’t going to keep going through it.
Divorce was written all over that atmosphere. I really hope I’m wrong.
~Oh, Lord, please wake them up and heal that situation, especially if there are children involved. ~
Maybe both men were cretins.
Both women behaved badly. Why did they seem to think they were entitled to act any way they pleased? If the men had done something wrong (and they very well might have done), why compound the situation? Most men will not tolerate public abuse forever.
Trouble between men and women is nothing new, but the approach to it in this modern world is.
If you watch television or movies, listen to NPR or read magazines, chances are strong that you’ve learned the lesson well:
Men are idiots. Women are smart.
Men are helpless. Women are invincible.
When we went to see The Avengers, I fully expected Scarlett Johansen to Save the World instead of the superheroes. (SPOILER: she doesn’t.)
That’s what I’ve come to expect in everything from CNN to commercials.
Facebook postings and Pinterest pins are rife with it.
“The slightly neurotic hot mess is merely the admission price to the amusement park that is me” has been repinned 81 times.
“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” Marilyn Monroe.
A lot of women seem to be proud of acting petulant, selfish and abusive.
During the sermon Sunday morning, the pastor related a question his brother had asked him: “When did women become so exalted that …” and I won’t finish the quote with his words because they’re a little different from the direction I’m heading, but they still fit in with this train of thought because they dealt with bad behavior.
When did women become so exalted that:
They can’t be criticized? About anything.
That if they actually do something that’s really bad and can’t be denied – it’s a man’s fault?
They pretend to be equally suited for something that’s traditionally male – but don’t care that the standards are lowered so they can meet them?
Growing up in the 1950s and 60s, I heard
“Just keep answering like that and we’ll get along.”
plenty of jokes putting down women. Especially women drivers. Some were funny. Lots of them weren’t. If it was so wrong (and I think it was) for women to often be fair game as the butt of jokes, why don’t modern women take the moral high ground and not do as they’ve been done to?
And it’s not merely words. It’s actions, too that have changed.
In my youth, domestic violence only touched my world a few times (a neighbor, a friend’s mother and a friend’s dad), but my understanding is that until just a few years ago, it was considered a private issue and generally not something to call the cops for.
Now it’s a crime to abuse a woman (and absolutely rightly so), but for some kind of Twilight Zone reason, it’s okay for her to abuse the man.
I know of several situations in which the woman is physically abusive to the man. The men won’t call the cops, but oh! how I wish they would! The men say they won’t be believed. That the deck is stacked against them. That they’d be the ones who’d leave in handcuffs- even though they didn’t fight back.
An added insult to the injury is when the female lies and turns the tables and falsely accuses her male victim. Once I was a witness to an incident and the girl lied and lied and lied about it and eventually lied in court.
Some of the men are so whipped or brainwashed or I just don’t know what, that they seem to lose touch with reality.
One woman I know, literally said that “women are entitled to hysteria”. She gets so violent that her husband has to temporarily move out of the house. Her idiot husband said to me once, that “it’s never okay for a man to put his hands on a woman”. He didn’t say “domestic violence is always wrong” or “it’s never right for someone to hit someone else”.
Guess how that woman’s daughter behaves? You got it. She became an abuser and brags that she always knows what she’s doing and is in control of herself, even when it appears that she isn’t. She said that she chooses her behavior.
Our current debased society says that she’s a princess. That she can have it all: bad behavior and unjustified sympathy to boot.
She doesn’t have to compete on a level playing field.
Her actions won’t be judged by the same standards as the men she habitually abuses.
What hath feminism wrought? Not simple equality. No, rather it’s about an imbalance of power.
Injustice, entitlement and unreality.
Of course this mess doesn’t apply to every female.
But from all indications, it’s becoming increasingly and disgustingly common.
As a woman, I’m embarrassed that so many women are just fine with this ugly mess and see no need to change.
*5-25-12: Excellent comment on the male perspective left by Joe. I recommend it.